by Dr. Karen Sherman www.drkarensherman.com Dr. Karen Sherman offers information to help couples deal with potential relationship difficulties. I've Got A Secret It is wonderful to have found the person you love - the one with whom you feel safe and can share your most private thoughts. After all, how often have you heard that a relationship is built on honesty and openness? One day, as you and your partner are just sitting around and relaxing, you start to exchange stories from your past. Naturally, some of the incidents relate to past partners. You may notice that you start to feel uncomfortable hearing the details. Or, if you are the one telling the story, you might become aware of your partner's discomfort. The ill at ease feeling will show up in any number of ways - for example, an uncomfortable facial expression, a lack of enthusiasm in what you are relating, or a desire to change the subject or tell a joke. Yes, this is all in the past. You may think to yourself, "Why does this matter?" Does a reaction mean something is wrong? There are several parameters that you can use to help assess the significance of such a reaction. Perhaps your mate does not mind hearing about your past as long as all the graphic details are not presented. This would not mean anything special - some people have no need to know and they process in a manner that the explicitness becomes too real. If that is the case, and since the person is in the past and has no meaning for your relationship today, it is better to simply drop it. The issue of sharing would become a concern when: The information being withheld is current and involves another person outside your present relationship. One partner has a need to repeatedly review facts in great detail even when the other is not comfortable hearing it. One partner is insistent on knowing everything and every detail about the other person - both past and present. A solid relationship must be a good blend of mutual trust and respect for one another's styles and needs. Too much secrecy creates a disconnected relationship. However, some sense of personal privacy is also a sign of health in a couple. The key is to create a balance that allows you and your partner to maintain your individuality and still be close. Copyright © Dr. Karen Sherman www.karensherman.com